Got this in an email earlier thought it was pretty funny.
I know theres a post similiar to this, but it has different ones.
if there is one witht he same stuff as this one I do apologize
>Here are some conversations that the airline passengers don't hear.
>The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline
>pilots and Control towers around the world.....
>>
>Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock , 6 miles!"
>Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
>
>=======================================================
>
>"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
>
>"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
>"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
>=======================================================
>
>
>From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm
>f...ing bored!
>
>"Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify
>yourself immediately!"!
>
>
>Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f... ing bored, not f... ing
>stupid!"
>
>=======================================================
>
>O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is
aFokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
>
>United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the
little Fokker in sight."
>=======================================================
>
>A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out
after touching down.
>
>San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end if
the runway, if you are able.
If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right
at the lights
and return to the airport."
>=======================================================
>A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich over heard the
following:
>
>Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
>Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
>Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
>Germany. Why must I speak English?"
>Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
>"Because you lost the bloody war."
>
>=================================================
>The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
>short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking
>location, but how to get there without any assistance from them.
So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the
>following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a
>British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
>
>Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
>Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
>
>The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
>Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
>
>Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
>Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not
>been to Frankfurt before?"
>
>Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, and I
>didn't land."
>
>=======================================================
>
>While taxiing at London 's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air Flight
>departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose
>with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the
>US Air crew, screaming:
>
>"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right
>onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I
>know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but
>get it right!"
>
>Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now
>shouting hysterically:
>
>"God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this
>out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to!
>You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and
>I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell
you!
>You got that, US Air 2771?"
>"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
>
>Naturally, the ground Control communications frequency fell terribly silent
>after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging
>the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every
>cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an
>unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:
>
>"Wasn't I married to you once?"
>
